It's crazy how much marriage changed the way I look at family.
The size of your own family basically doubles when you gain in-laws. There are habits and quirks that are so normal to them that can be hard to understand at first.
It changes the way you look at your own side of the family, too. How they treat those that marry in, how they communicate with each other and others. It wasn't until I got married and became part of another family that I saw just how much of myself is because of where I came from.
Families aren't perfect.
There are painful things in every family's past, and even present. These really come to light when children come into the picture. "Well I was raised like this." "I was raised like that." It's hard to parent in a way that's different than how you were parented. And if there are things that you'd really like to differently (and this is true for most people to varying degrees), it takes a conscious effort to react differently with your kids than you're naturally inclined to. I'll say it again: it's hard.
Forgiveness.
The reason families aren't perfect is because they are made up of imperfect people. We're not ever going to be perfect, but we can get really good at forgiving each other. We're going to hurt other people and we're going to get hurt. Bitterness is what breaks families. I want to choose forgiveness instead.
This post is also linked up at Heavenly Homemakers for Gratituesday! Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!
You are very right about how are extended families are not perfect but we need to forgive them when we don't see eye to eye on things. Right now we are dealing with divorce on my husband's side. While hard, we are learning to forgive and heal through this whole process.
ReplyDeleteI was touched by your post. I've been having a difficult time with my inlaws and have chosen to forgive. It has lifted my spirits while I still try to figure out where I fit in in my husband's family dynamic.
ReplyDeleteThank you two so much for chiming in. I'm so sorry to hear about what you're each going through but I'm glad forgiveness is helping you move forward.
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